Wednesday, December 2, 2009

How to Have Gratitude Sex

There is hot sex, makeup sex, casual sex, kinky sex, morning sex, routine sex and quick sex. Let's add a new category to that list: gratitude sex. What is gratitude sex you ask? Gratitude sex is the kind of sex that gets every cell in your body humming with sweet appreciation. Gratitude sex isn't about a race to the climax, it isn't insecure or critical, it isn't mindful of technique. Gratitude sex is a way of giving thanks through physical connection, a lesson in becoming aware of every touch, every movement, every breath. While some people may have gratitude sex naturally and often, it is my guess that most of us need practice. Let these tips show you how to get your mind, heart and body in the mood for gratitude sex. You and your lover will be glad you did.

  1. 1

    Begin now. If you wait until you are naked to summon a spirit of gratitude, you've waited too long. What do you appreciate about your partner? How can you give thanks to your lover the next time you touch? Foreplay begins long before you get to the bed, and even before you see your partner. Gratitude sex foreplay begins with your personal state of consciousness, and you can work on your personal state of consciousness at any moment. Why not begin now?

  2. Step2

    Slow down. Appreciation requires a downshift. You cannot be grateful until you notice the details, and you cannot notice the details if you are moving at warp speed. Practice slowing down--literally moving slower--while working, eating, talking, and most importantly, while making love.

  3. Step3

    Make "thank you" your mantra. When you look at your partner, think to yourself, "thank you." When you kiss your partner, think, "thank you." When you touch your partner, think, "thank you." When your partner touches you, think, "thank you." Let "thank you" be your guide through every motion of sex.

  4. Step4

    Practice presence. We all have so many thoughts in our minds with so many different ideas shouting for our attention. If you want to experience profound gratitude sex, you must lose track of everything but the present moment. I mean, do you expect to create a soulful experience or experience a mind-blowing orgasm if you let your thoughts drift toward your life's to-do list? Not possible! When you have sex--whether it's a lunchtime quickie or a weekend escape--bring every bit of all your senses into the present moment. Not only will the sex be exponentially more rewarding, but you'll also be exceedingly more productive and inspired when it is time to tackle that to-do list.

  5. Step5

    Love every inch of your lover. Show your gratitude on her wrist, on his earlobe, through her hair, across his chest. Be thankful for the inner thigh, the back of the knee, the armpit, the right eyelid, the left temple, the bottom lip, the collar bone, the lower back, the palm of the hand--for all of it.

  6. Step6

    Exclaim, "Yes!" It's no coincidence that the word that commonly explodes from our lips as we climax is, "Yes!" Yes is a word of openness, joy and gratitude. We cannot be truly grateful unless we are saying, "Yes."

  7. Step7

    Say what you like. Let your partner know what you love about your sex life. Be specific. Say, "I appreciate the way you..." or, "It makes me really excited when you..." The more thankful, straightforward feedback you give, the more confident, relaxed and giving your partner will be in bed, which will give you even more to be thankful for.

  8. Step8

    Lead by example. My friend recently confided in me that she and her husband are growing apart. She told me that he doesn't take initiative in their relationship and bemoaned the fact that he spent the entire recent weekend working in their yard. She said, "He didn't come inside to find out how I was doing, he didn't ask me if there was anything I wanted to do together, he didn't even invite me to join him in the yard work." I asked, "Why didn't you just start working with him? Why didn't you go outside to find how he was doing?" She said, "Because I want him to come to me." Thus she remains stuck, reaping the distance that she sows. Too often too many of us hold back waiting for our partners to take the initiative. We want to feel love before we give love, but unfortunately this tactic does not work. You get what you give, and if you want a sex life filled with gratitude, you must start by showing gratitude. You cannot demand that your partner give exactly what you want when you want it, but you can hope that if you lead by example, then your lover will sweetly follow suit.

  9. Step9

    Bask in the afterglow. You know that delicious euphoria that fills your body and spirit after great sex? Let that feeling stretch and spill out into the rest of your life. Don't be in a hurry to switch gears and get your head on straight, but instead glow with gratitude for your lover, your self, your life, your world. You are happy, you are glorious, you are good, you are grateful!